| Generativity is the ability to love beyond your own backyard. It’s having concern about future generations and making the world a better place. Remember that old Coke commercial – “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.”? That’s where my mind goes – an idealistic scene on a hill with everyone smiling and singing … Studies found that people who possess generativity live way happier lives than those who do not. Why? Something as shockingly simple as having concern for others and helping to make sure they have better lives? YES – but there’s a BIG REASON why this is so effective. Researcher and author of The Redemptive Self, Dan McAdams, studied these folks and found one big difference between them and others in the story they told about themselves and their lives. [Please note, the giant swath of people studied was wide and varied; different professions, races, rich, poor, middle class, all ages, etc … ] They ALL had different stories to tell, but there was a plumb-line they all shared. They told their stories in a similar fashion: First, life is wonderful. Then, something bad happened and messed everything up. (The “Contamination Story.”) BUT – rather than play this out over and over and over again, trapped in the negative loop of tragic circumstances, they created a REDEMPTIVE STORY. Beauty from ashes, y’all! Let’s look at the contrast: Instead of a “crippling tragedy,” they see “a setback that taught me a valuable lesson.” In other words, they LOOK for the redemption instead of rolling around in the pain and regurgitating that same old story. There’s VALUE in the pain when there is something learned from it. They could just say they were dealt a bad hand, but they instead see themselves as RESILIENT – actually MORE than just mere resilient – They see themselves as BETTER and STRONGER because of it! Instead of being trapped in trauma, they have a post trauma growth spurt! They tested this generativity with a group of heart attack patients – those who construed some sort of benefit from the heart attack were in “significantly better” cardiac health and less likely to have a subsequent heart attack. Suffer and grow is the key! The search for meaning is how people survive the unthinkable AND become better on the other side. Here are some common denominators: 1. I am blessed – feeling like you’re here on purpose and for purpose creates a new focus and appreciation. 2. Recognizing the suffering of others. You see yourself as being here on purpose and for purpose, but you also recognize that every person on the planet is here with the same calling – to be of service and to love. 3. Moral fortitude- you believe in doing “the right thing” and it’s always been clear to you. 4. Looking at a big setback – even if it still bothers you, and doing a “director’s cut” of the movie of your life – not to create a false narrative, BUT there was a moment you LEARNED from that setback, and DECIDED to become stronger BECAUSE of it/them. 5. The balance of power and love. You believe, YES! – You can make a difference, and you can help others along the way. The eye-popping truth here is that AS you help others, you help yourself too! Tanya’s story of the clothes is a great example of this! (You really should be in our Hot Melt Sprint Facebook group, reading all this good stuff – Tanya shared a story of giving away her “fat clothes,” and it was inspirational!) 6. The future is bright and shiny. That’s because a wise woman has goals and has something to work on and toward. What are you going to do with your story? Is it a tragic tale OR a story of redemption? It’s your choice! |
