| When we put off our lives because we don’t think we deserve it, are worth it, or not until we reach a certain weight, a certain level of success, or whatever fill-in-the-blank mystery goal, we suffer. We see ourselves through the lens of not enough. It’s why I continued to wear a nursing bra even though my kids were in their teens. It’s why I wouldn’t buy clothes that fit properly. And it’s why I hid from cameras, video, and putting myself out there. I saw myself as always never quite enough. Not thin enough, pretty enough, young enough, smart enough, or knowledgeable enough. Being under the influence of not enough is how we manage to live lukewarm lives. Mediocre lives. NOT because of our weight, age, knowledge, smarts, or looks, but because of a deep hunger – the acceptance hunger that creates a massive ache in our soul. It holds us back from vibrancy on every level – heart, mind, body, and soul. This not-enoughness is ever-present. A foreboding cloud overhead, much like Eeyore’s unrelenting raincloud. I believe the influence of not-enoughness is the biggest obstacle to the lives we profess we want to live. It is full-on resistance because we say, “This is what we want,” then we go forth one or two days, and then it all goes to hell in a handbasket. Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat. Why? It’s a jungle in there – I’m talking about the quagmire of your mind, that is. It’s tangled full of memories (good and bad), trauma, beliefs, experiences … and they all fear the same outcome. The key is going in, unknotting the knots, and staying with it, of course. But first, you have to ask yourself some questions (using the WHY Matrix) to help yourself get clear: 1. Why do I want this ……………? Nietzsche said, “He who has a why can endure any how.” Our core reasoning is the driver of these decisions, BUT it’s the emotional attachment that brings the power to the pursuit and gives you grit, not quit. 2. What do I gain by getting this? Make a list of all the benefits – look for the parts that light you up – weigh them. The pleasure is definitely in the outcome, BUT eyes on the prize will fuel the “doing” part. 3. What do I lose by getting it? When we change anything – even for the best, we naturally push back – it’s the unknown after all. But we have to look at it – does this mean there’s a change ahead in friends, or upsetting a spouse, etc? Ask yourself, “What if I did nothing?” The fear of change is stronger than the fear of staying the same. I see that in my coaching clients – and it’s usually not about THEM as much as it is about how their change will cause change to everyone and everything else. For some, this is a crisis, and their health is at stake, and making the choice to do nothing is off the table. 4. But my darling, what if you succeed? Can you imagine? What if … Our imaginations can spark curiosity, creativity, and a surprising amount of action if only we ask the right questions. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” — Teddy Roosevelt Start today knowing you’re enough. ALLOW your enoughness to carry the weight of all this emotional baggage. And above all, let that be what you fall under the influence of — You’re worth the time to do this work! |
