| We went up another level on this whole idea of self-talk because I want to make sure that self-talk is empowering for you and not just some pretend game. Remember, a few weeks ago, we debunked the “fake it till you make it” myth. We need to make sure self-talk doesn’t end up in that same bin! Self-talk isn’t about creating a reality with no foundation … It isn’t baseless … It isn’t you telling yourself at age 60 that “you’ve got this” and will become a prima ballerina with the American Ballet Company. Self-talk isn’t lying or hyperbolic cosplay. It’s definitely not self-deception – it’s not seeing only what you want to see. It’s seeing the truth in yourself and in your circumstances. It’s knowing you’re doing your best, giving it everything you’ve got, striving for excellence, and yet knowing you will make mistakes and others will too. Positive, healthy self-talk UNDERSTANDS the ebb and flow of life – it’s not an even keel. This means: • Focus on the positive, but don’t ignore the negative. • Be optimistic, but see the big picture too. • Don’t focus on your failures – but do allow them to give you their lessons. • Analysis is better than paralysis, but criticism isn’t necessary. There’s also this thing of how your inner dialogue can influence how you speak: Do you call yourself names out loud? (Stupid, moron, idiot, etc … ) Do you put down others as much as you put yourself down? Do you use self-deprecating humor and sarcasm to cover up cynicism, hostility, or pessimism? Even if you don’t do these things to others and still do them to yourself, people will look at you differently. It’s not funny, and it’s time to call this out. Healthy self-talk – the inner dialogue and the outer dialogue (out loud) need to be cultivated. But how? 1. Stop ruminating! Ever do this? Think about the negative thing or conversation over and over and over again? Thinking to solve a situation is one thing, but OVERthinking magnifies and makes molehills into mountains. 2. Speak to yourself -we talked about that on Tuesday – aloud, in the mirror, and say your own name. (But also in the third person.) Brene Brown calls her negative thoughts gremlins – this allows her to separate the thoughts from her identity. I love this because it shows us we are not our thoughts, emotions, or feelings … we simply have them. 3. Don’t speak poorly of others – starting with yourself! Extend this goodwill to others. Think about something you like about them instead. 4. Listen up – don’t just wait for a moment to talk. REALLY listen! This applies to yourself and others. 5. Take a time out – put it in a container. Knee-jerk reactions NEVER build anything – they’re destructive. Wise Women build one another up using kind words and sincere encouragement. They also do this for themselves. Talking to yourself like someone you love and cherish will give your life a much shinier perspective. Build your life on grace and acceptance – this is how we love one another and how we love ourselves. Can you imagine? Stop putting “I want you to like me” on your forehead, and put it on your mirror instead! |
