| How to Stop Abandoning the Things You Swear You Want to Finish (And Why You Keep Doing It Anyway) There’s a special kind of heartbreak in being a woman who starts beautifully. Oh, we can start anything: The course. The journal. The eating plan. The walking challenge. The decluttering project. The “this year will be different” promise whispered into a fresh calendar. We are Olympic-level starters. And then… somewhere between enthusiasm and completion… things slip. We drift. We abandon. We ghost our own dreams. Not because we’re lazy. Not because we’re scattered. Not because we “don’t want it enough.” But because there are invisible forces — biological, psychological, emotional — pulling at us the whole time. And no one taught us how to work with them instead of against them. So let’s break this open. Let’s talk about why you abandon the things you genuinely want — and how to finally, actually, consistently finish them. 1. Your brain isn’t broken — it’s protecting you. Here’s the hard truth: your brain is not wired for your dreams; it’s wired for your survival. Anything new — any change, any ambitious goal, any “let’s try this!” — registers as a threat to the brain’s energy system. This is why the beginning feels euphoric (dopamine), the middle feels like slogging through cement (low dopamine), and the end often feels out of reach (fear of failure + loss aversion). This isn’t personal. This is neuroscience doing what neuroscience does. ⭐ Science Bite: The “middle drop” happens because dopamine spikes at anticipation, not completion. The excitement of the idea wears off before the reward of finishing kicks in. This leaves a motivational dead zone known as the trough of disillusionment. If no structure exists? You fall in. 2. You don’t finish because finishing requires identity change. Here’s the part no one talks about: Every time you finish something meaningful, you become a slightly different woman. You shed an old version of yourself. You step into expansion. You take up more space. You get closer to the life you say you want. That sounds wonderful… but it can feel terrifying to the subconscious. Finishing forces you into visibility. It forces you to risk being seen. It forces you to risk becoming the kind of woman people expect more from. Starting is safe. Finishing is transformation. And transformation always has resistance. 3. You abandon things because your life is structured like an ER, not a creative studio. Tell me if this sounds familiar: You wake up already behind. Your days are full of fires to put out. Your schedule runs you. Your to-do list breeds overnight like rabbits. Your energy is rationed like wartime bread. You are not living a life. You are managing a crisis center. Projects, desires, creative goals — all of those get shoved to the margins because survival always outranks self-actualization. It’s not that you can’t finish things. It’s that the system you operate inside makes finishing nearly impossible. You’re not broken. The system is broken. And systems can be rebuilt. 4. The cure for abandoning things is not motivation — it’s friction. Behavioral science has made this stunningly clear: We don’t rise to the level of our motivation; we fall to the level of our systems. People who finish things have one superpower: They master friction. They lower friction for the actions they want to do. They raise friction for the actions that distract them. They create environments that make quitting harder than continuing. ⭐ Science Bite: The brain follows the “Law of Least Resistance.” Whichever path is easier wins — every time. So the question becomes: How do we make finishing easier than abandoning? 5. Here’s the five-step system to actually finish things (backed by science + lived experience): STEP 1: Shrink the goal until your brain stops panicking. If your brain feels threatened, it will sabotage. Not maybe. It will. Shrink the goal until it feels embarrassingly doable. Write for 5 minutes. Walk for 10 minutes. Do ONE module. Clean ONE drawer. Small progress is still progress. And it bypasses the brain’s alarm system. Small wins compound. Finishing begins here. STEP 2: Add a finish line — and make it visible. Humans are visual animals. A project with no ending is a project you’ll abandon. So set: A date. A deadline. A checkmark. A “done is done” moment. Give your brain something to move toward. No race gets run without a finish line. STEP 3: Build accountability that feels like partnership, not punishment. Accountability doesn’t mean shame. It means support. Tell one friend. Join one group. Announce your intention in a tiny safe circle. The science? Humans are 65% more likely to complete a goal if another human knows about it. We finish things better together. STEP 4: Expect the dip — and plan for it. The middle is ALWAYS the hardest part. Decide now: “When the dip comes, I __.” You walk. You rest. You reset. You recommit. You continue. But what you don’t do is abandon the whole thing because it suddenly feels sticky. The dip is not a sign that something is wrong. The dip is a sign you’re on schedule. STEP 5: Celebrate every micro-win. Your brain thrives on reward loops. If you only celebrate when something is finished, your brain loses interest long before you get there. So celebrate: The start. The halfway. The messy middle. The showing up. The “did 10 minutes even though I wanted to crumble.” Reinforcement is how you teach your brain: “We finish things around here.” At the end of the day… Finishing isn’t about discipline. It isn’t about willpower. It isn’t about “trying harder.” It’s about building a life where your dreams have room to breathe. A life that doesn’t run like an emergency room. A life where you stop treating your desires like luxuries. A life where you allow yourself to complete things — not because you’re perfect, but because you’re devoted. You don’t need a new personality. You need a new system. One designed for the woman you’re becoming — not the one you keep abandoning. |
