| The purpose can be to give you time to figure out what you’re in denial about and to figure out what to do next. But long-term denial goes beyond being a coping mechanism and becomes a lifestyle – • Ignoring the lumps • Giving a pass on aggressive behavior from your partner • Pretending all is well when you’re falling apart • Getting schnokered every night, but still being able to perform at work This is the stuff that perpetuates denial. We Scarlett O’Hara it – “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” When tomorrow comes, we’re on our hands and knees in the garden, fists raised, “I’ll never go hungry again!” |
| Denial is FEAR in different clothing. It’s the inability to examine: • What you fear • Consequences of not taking action • Allowing for fear and emotion So what do you do about it, and how do you sort it out? • By having a trusted community that you can turn to for support, guidance, and friendship. • Journaling – this helps to unravel and make sense of the tangles of thoughts in our heads. • Think about positive if/then scenarios. What is the best possible outcome? • By fueling your life well – mentally and physically. Here are 7 things you can do to build a bridge over the River Denial: 1. Ask yourself, what is it? First, pull the emotion out, and then analyze it in DETAIL. 2. See it differently- use the WHY Matrix to put fear in its place and reduce it down by finding your core reasoning. 3. Be gentle, kind, and loving. Empathy is the gift of love. 4. Practice NOT being judgmental – it’s enough already. Calm and soft is the love language of vulnerability, and it builds trust. 5. Actively listen and let the other person know, “I hear you.” Say their name (we spoke about this last week). 6. If it’s a confrontive situation, “I feel” statements are powerful. I shared the story about Mark’s driving, and how “precious cargo in the front seat” became a safe way to gently remind him to slow down. 7. Create space. Emotionally going from denial to acceptance is tough, and you need processing space. Remember, your feelings are valid. You can grieve, feel hurt, or be angry, and those feelings matter. So do you, and your happiness. Don’t compare yourself or how you process your feelings with others. Let go of denial – it’s a roadblock and will get you nowhere. Instead, check in with yourself, be honest, and allow yourself to get through it. |