| Are you a mother? Someone is watching you, imitating you, and learning from you. Are you a caregiver? A boss or manager at work? Your actions affect the people around you, and you have the ability to influence them, for better or worse. Dale Carnegie wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936 – 85 years ago! The lessons are still pertinent today, and the answer to your life’s quest for influence: 1. Stop complaining, criticizing, and condemning people. “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” Complaining literally shrinks your brain, and basically, that’s what criticism and condemnation are as well! 2. Praise ABUNDANTLY – we all do better when someone gives us an “Atta girl!” Make it your business to be an encourager! 3. Say their name – it makes people feel important and special, and it’s the most “heard” thing in a person’s life. We talked about that at length this week—watch the other shows to find out how magical your name is (and how others feel the same!). 4. Be “FOR REAL” genuinely interested in others. Ask questions, spend 75% of the time listening, and only 25 of it talking, says Carnegie. 5. Be a charmer. The dictionary defines charm as “giving delight or arousing admiration.” I used to think charm was deceptive, but it’s not–it’s a means to love folks up! So show up, be charming, and genuinely interested in those around you. 6. Own your life AND your mistakes. Personal responsibility removes criticism AND reveals stability and a healthy self-concept. It’s the difference between excellence and perfectionism. 7. “Winning arguments” is an exercise in ego, period. Carnegie said the way to win any argument is to avoid it altogether. “Winning” an argument, in my opinion, is all about self-control and making a decision to love instead. You can still have your opinion, but you don’t need to dig in–agree to disagree. “A woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still.” In other words, you’ve only temporarily won her over. This is especially important in today’s social media world. 8. Common ground is a starting place. This is especially important in relationships. You don’t start in the hard place; you start in the common place. This allows for connection and reestablishing the importance of your love for that person. 9. Plant the seed instead of growing their gardens for them. We do this by showing up and being an example, not by taking over. (This is especially important for moms—don’t be a helicopter parent). 10. Make people feel important because they ARE! Fearfully and wonderfully made; on purpose & for purpose … both YOU AND THEM! Don’t ever forget that—you are equals in God’s eyes. He loves us ALL. “Influencing” people is about looking for ways to love your people. For some, it’s easier, but for the rest of us, we learn as we go! 😁 |
