| I’ve been marinating on the topic of letting go for a while — it seems that in order to make room for what you want, you have to let go of something. It’s simply the ebb and flow of the Universe, isn’t it? …Ying and yang, reaping and sowing, breathing in and out… The struggle is real when it comes to letting go of certain things – — People — Circumstances — Regret — Pain — And yes, clutter Psychologists say that the difficulty with letting go has to do with the past – no surprise there, right? But letting go of the past, whether it be regret, pain, a person, or even clutter, is because letting go is a white flag of surrender – it’s a giving up of sorts. And if we have grit, not quit…we have to sort what stays someone) that is YOU, or WAS you anyway. There is a fear of change attached to it, even when it’s old clothes, a horrible boyfriend, or even food. It can be scary or intimidating – What if I need that ________? What if I’m single forever? What if this is all there is? Resistance to change is what this is, according to psychologists. One study found there’s a certain amount of discomfort a person can tolerate before there’s a moment of acknowledging the need to change – this is the proof in the pudding: change is always uncomfortable, especially at first. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist who pioneered the study of death and dying, says there are 5 stages in the death and dying process. These stages are applicable to letting go as well. For our own purposes, let’s talk diagnosis. 1. Denial: This is avoidance and a refusal to accept the existence of a problem or issue. It’s usually short-lived. 2. Anger: Why me? The frustration is palpable. You’re ticked! You’re complaining, using a raised voice, shouting “It’s not fair!” and, of course, this is regret veiled in anger. 3. Bargaining: Clinging to an irrational hope when facts say otherwise. This is when you start saying, “Ok, I’ll give up the sugar and carbs and then…” 4. Depression: This is the middle ground between acceptance and knowing you can’t bargain your way out, nor does denial or anger help in any way. 5. Acceptance: This is letting go. It is what it is. It’s time to create a new reality; a new normal. Letting go is a part of life- we do this when we breathe. We do this as we observe beautiful autumns as trees let go of their leaves. Finding the reason why isn’t so easy sometimes – or at least not easily remedied. If you can do something, do it! If you can’t, accept it. Holding ourselves hostage, trying to find a reason why, is a waste of time and a means to become bitter. We must process letting go – of anything. But on the other side of that incredible release, there is now the space for something NEW! |
