| What it is, how it shows up, what it can teach us—and how to work with it instead of against it Frustration is one of those emotions we treat like a nuisance. As soon as frustration hits, our instincts seek ways to get rid of it. We interpret it to mean we’re failing, falling behind, or doing something wrong. Sometimes we try to outrun it. Other times, we numb it, power through it, and all the while shame ourselves for feeling that way. Have you noticed that? I certainly have. But what if frustration isn’t the problem? What if we looked at frustration differently, like it is information more than an emotional setback? Every human on the planet feels frustration. It’s universal. And biologically speaking, it exists for a reason. Frustration is what happens when effort meets resistance. When the brain detects a mismatch between what we want and what’s actually happening, frustration sets in. It’s not a moral failing that you’re too (fill in the blank) to figure out, it’s a signal. From a neurological standpoint, frustration lights up the anterior cingulate cortex, the region in the brain that’s involved in error detection and decision-making. It also activates stress pathways involving cortisol and adrenaline. Can you see the potential brewing here? Your brain is on fire, and those stress chemicals are working overtime. In other words, your body is saying, “Something isn’t working the way we expected. Pay attention.” This is important. And that’s because frustration isn’t random. It tends to show up when we’re overloaded, misaligned, under-resourced, or unclear. It shows up when we’re pushing against reality instead of working with it. It shows up when expectations don’t match capacity or when we haven’t taken the time to really understand the situation we’re in. Most of us were never taught how to interpret that signal, but we were taught to override it. However, biologically, frustration isn’t meant to be suppressed. It’s meant to prompt reassessment. When you zoom out, frustration is often the first clue that something is out of balance. Too many commitments, too little recovery, maybe an unspoken boundary or a goal that no longer fits. Or a situation that requires a different strategy, not more of the same that’s going nowhere. In that way, frustration can be one of our best teachers. Instead of getting frustrated with frustration, what if we got curious about it? What is this feeling asking me to notice? Where am I forcing something that needs to be rethought? What expectation needs adjusting? What information am I missing? What support do I actually need here? Research on emotional regulation shows that naming and reframing emotions reduces physiological stress responses. Simply understanding why you’re frustrated can lower cortisol and restore a sense of agency. You move from reaction to interpretation and from pressure to perspective. Frustration doesn’t mean you’re weak-willed or you’re not doing something “right”. It often means you’re trying, usually too hard, in a system that needs changing. And this is where frustration becomes useful. When we slow down enough to examine it, frustration can guide better decisions. It can help us prune what no longer belongs, renegotiate boundaries, simplify goals, or choose a different approach entirely. It can be the moment we stop muscling our way through and start working smarter, with our biology instead of against it. Frustration isn’t asking you to quit. It’s asking you to adjust. Seen this way, frustration isn’t something to eliminate; it’s something to listen to. Because often, it’s not telling you that you’re failing. It’s telling you that you’re ready for a course correction. And that’s not at all a weakness, that’s wisdom. So next time you’re feeling frustrated, stop the self-flagellation and take a beat. Reevaluate your frustration and understand that it’s trying to teach you something–then allow the lesson to come! |
