| Ed Mylett said, “I don’t do things based on how I feel, I do things based on who I am.” As I have thought through the past year and given it a serious analysis, there’s one thing that keeps popping into my head: Every thought I think doesn’t have to be processed, believed, or obeyed. Even so, Dr. Steven Hayes, author of A Liberated Mind, says we have to pivot toward what matters. And to do just that, we have to give an honest assessment of not just our own little worlds, but what’s going on all around us. While we’ve made incredible advances in some ways (like leukemia, malaria, and overall child mortality), we’re also, as a result of our technology, overexposed daily to horror, drama, and judgment. That leaves us feeling, oftentimes, overwhelmed and threatened by – everything! Remember walking home from school alone? Being home before the streetlights turned on? Nowadays, your kids would be considered neglected if you did any such thing. 24-hour news recounting the dangers and horrors of the day obliterates any safe feelings we might be having. Compound that reality with the proliferation of “entertainment” that depicts the very same thing, and we’re toast – emotionally, psychologically, the whole enchilada! So what do we need to do? Back to Dr. Steven Hayes – we need psychological flexibility. In other words, we need the ability to feel and think with openness, to experience the present, to move in the direction of what’s important while building habits that allow us to live our lives vibrantly according to our values AND our dreams. That means turning TOWARD our suffering as well – it’s in the darkness that we find the light and the key. The things that have the power to cause the most pain sometimes are the containers of our biggest lessons. So rather than denying and pretending, self-medicating (perhaps habitually), ignoring and running away from our suffering, we lean in and look for the lesson. Look for the pain and learn to properly evaluate the fear. The fear fence isn’t overwhelming – it’s manageable! We all have pain and fear, and if we’re going to put a dent in the universe, we need to do the following: 1. Develop a tolerance for it by putting it in its proper perspective. 2. Be curious, ask questions, and believe in your ability to figure things out – because you can! You are fearfully and wonderfully made – therefore, you are equipped with everything you need to come to the answers you need. We all do things that we know, deep down, no longer serve us. The secret sauce to going beyond that familiar loop and actually getting what we want has to do with learning the lesson our emotions teach us, not avoiding them. Procrastination is all connected to this stuff: it’s a protective mechanism, and it also needs unpacking. Meanwhile, what if you could make actual goals that serve you, and not just take up room on a page … would you do that? |
